I was thinking for a while, if i am having identity or individuality conflicts.
One defines his or her identity by what he or she does, actions speak louder than words, so i am as an individual judged only by what i do, my style of designing, photos, the music i listen to the dress i wear? Isn’t it like i am just being judged by my outer cover, like a tortoise and its shell, I seriously think this should change, there is more to me as an individual i am asserting that there is more to me than whatever I show, but why is that people only approach me for something, is that what I have been reduced to, someone that helps a parop kari papanna.
Am I trying to defend myself? No i am not. I am just stating some facts. The universal identity i seem to have is that Deepa is a designer, she has a laptop and a camera that means she is rich, that she is spoilt, she desings but she fusses about a lot of things, she is mainly negative, she is tooo meak, and she doesnt know or use curse words, that she can be used easily for anything as she is that kind of a girl, she dresses weird and likes to style a lot, that she has many close friends, and she is always busy doing something or the other, she is jobless, she sits and designs as a hobby while she could do something else.
That is not my identity, that is the part many have understood, there is more to me, i live in layers, i do a lot of things, I have only like 5 to 6 friends who i am close to who i talk to and meet everyday, i am not the one with a 100 friends who i just say hi and bye to, who ever knows me in and out would no, to what heights i go to help, to spend time with them, to surprise them, to keep me in their good books. One thing is that i fight a lot, i get upset quickly, only 2 people know that!
I like to do things, that does not make good in any, i am in a stage of learning, i want to establish myself as an individual, not for anything graphic related, for what i actually am, there is much more to be, i debated well in school, recited poems well, wrote poems, i am asserting my individuality here, there is more to me! I have weird memory, when i go to a place i remember things in forms of pictures, only places nothing else, if i go to a place i will remember the direction to the place even after 5 to 6 years, i do still, that is me!
I dont like the people who act as though they know me, no one does, i dont know myself, i as an individual, should not be understood by my cover, i have opened my shell only to 4 people in my entire life so far! One is across 7 seas, one is in Australia, one is 2 kilometers from my house and the other is in the other end of town! That is me, i am close to only 4 people, they know the real me, they have seen me in both the good and bad times, they can see right through me, they know a more deep part of me, they know things, which i wouldnt know about myself. My first best friend described me as a kiddish gal, she is true, so did my newest close friend. This is the individual they know.
I am asserting my individuality not my identity